I Am in Charge

My meditation of late is to remind myself that I am in charge. When my daughter starts to freak out (she has massive melt downs, usually from a low frustration tolerance), or the kids are fighting, or everyone is moving as fast as snails to get out of the house, my blood pressure rises, and I silently say to myself - "I am in charge." My blood pressure lowers. I relax a little. I am able to see how best to respond, rather than reacting in anger. This anger, which can flare so fast and big, usually stems from my feeling powerless. When I remind myself that I am in charge - not my daughter's anger or the clock or my toddler's need to wear that one filthy outfit - then I regain just enough sense of power within to settle down. And that's the key - it's not "in charge" in a "power over" another person kinds of way. While I do have a certain level of power over the children and the day and whatever, ultimately I don't - I can't control them. I can drawn boundaries and hold the line, but power over nearly always turns into a power struggle. Being in charge is a "power within" kind of power. I am in charge of my reaction, my space in the world. I am in charge of what comes out of my mouth, and the ability to drawn on my skills as a communicator and parent. I am in charge of this one moment, which for me exists for me. Taken moment by moment, in charge of my space in it, I can do this crazy parenting/homeschooling thing.

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