Mudspark Life Learning

The journey of parenting I find myself getting so angry about how freaking hard it is to be a mom. Especially an attachment parenting, homeschooling, developing-the-selfhood-of-my-kids mom. And then I feel so guilty for feeling this way - my kids are healthy, smart children, and I chose this path, this role of super mom. I'm caught between feeling like I should stop whining and that it IS hard and I need a break already. I need kids to respect me. And I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Such a mish-mash of feelings. I was praying about all these feelings - anger, exhaustion, guilt, gratitude, overwhelm - and as often happens if we are opening to listening to the Reply, I gained a bit of insight. It occurred to me that I have carried a perception of this time of life - mom with kids at home - as the Most Important Phase of Life. I've often told people that I've wanted to be a Mom since I realized I could be one - at about age five. Then and now I have (unconscio...

We started the day in good spirits. While I took care of some housekeeping the kids began some simple workbook exercises. My son completed his kindergarten pages quickly, easily, and with good cheer. My daughter, who had nine math problems to complete, ended up curled in a tight ball, grunting and screaming at me. Half way through I asked her to go do some jump rope and come back when she was ready to work with me. Then I needed a break. Then I pulled the classic if-you-don't-work-with-me-you-have-to-go-to-school line. I've said it before. But this time, I meant it. I am totally fed up with her melt downs and I am ready to have someone else deal with her. In school she would struggle with anxiety, but she would never behave this way with a teacher. I said - and she heard me - that this was her last chance. I am tired of fighting her about math, writing, goal-setting, and every other little bit. While most of our homeschooling is life learning, reading books, and playing...