Mudspark Life Learning

The journey of parenting I find myself getting so angry about how freaking hard it is to be a mom. Especially an attachment parenting, homeschooling, developing-the-selfhood-of-my-kids mom. And then I feel so guilty for feeling this way - my kids are healthy, smart children, and I chose this path, this role of super mom. I'm caught between feeling like I should stop whining and that it IS hard and I need a break already. I need kids to respect me. And I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Such a mish-mash of feelings. I was praying about all these feelings - anger, exhaustion, guilt, gratitude, overwhelm - and as often happens if we are opening to listening to the Reply, I gained a bit of insight. It occurred to me that I have carried a perception of this time of life - mom with kids at home - as the Most Important Phase of Life. I've often told people that I've wanted to be a Mom since I realized I could be one - at about age five. Then and now I have (unconscio...

We visited the Autism Community Store today. It's just east of Iliff and Quebec. They do a good job of creating a calm, not overwhelming environment despite being jam packed with all manner of resources. My son especially enjoyed the hanging swing and the "sensory cave," a closet-sized space with soft cushions, soothing lights, weighted blankets, and a lava lamp filled with bubbles and (plastic) fish. I perused the book shelves, which includes a lending library as well as titles for sale,  and spent a good long time gathering cards and flyers for local resources to support my hive of homeschooling families. Looks like they make their own weighted blankets, beanbag animals, and weighted vests. We picked out a blue swirly chewelry and a stand for our exercise ball to replace our broken office chair. As I helped my son put his shoes back on before we headed out the door, I giggled at a sign right in front of us: "No shoes, no shirt, no skirt, no problem." He...

How do I choose the right homeschool curriculum?  This is the first thing homeschooling parents ask. They are comparing their ideas of school to their projected ideas about homeschooling, thinking they have to cover EVERYTHING that school "covers" and do it well. Obviously we want our kids to get a good education, whether that means school or homeschool. I remind parents, though, that regular school is about managing 30 kids with divergent needs. Homeschooling is about one kid, or maybe three or seven. These are kids who have grown up with your rules and guidelines. In school teachers spend several WEEKS working on procedures like lining up, turning in homework, and using inside voices before they even get to  actual curriculum. Then their days are divided into blocks of time broken up by recess, trips, assemblies, and those very procedures. Homeschool doesn't have to work like that, and you can get lessons done in much less time, whether you do formal lessons to go...

Today we made lavender wands . We picked lavender from the front yard, peeled off the leaves and wove them with purple thread. My daughter struggles some with fine motor skills, and is a perfectionist, so this resulted in a huge blow up (on her part - I've been able to grow a lot of patience by identifying that a lot of her traits are very Aspie). After she calmed down, I sat with her on the couch and we wove hers together. I talked out loud about the tricky parts: "Ooh, here's the part we keep getting confused on because the flowers poke through." I wanted to model that it is hard while also helping her through it. Success! We got a wand and we moved through the "I'm bad at everything!" bit. Then she asked me what a lavender wand is used for. A friend of hers is getting interested in magic. I had explained that I would teach them magic if they are interested, but that magic and energy work are real and not something to just stumble around in, conjurin...

Announcing my forthcoming book, Zen & the Path of Mindful Parenting: Meditations on Raising Children . Available October 2015! Amazon will email you when it's ready to order: I share with you honest and sometimes funny experiences as a parent as I seek to grow myself through the trials and tribulations of raising kids. I weave Buddhist and secular mindfulness teachings with the Hero's Journey, which I think the path of parenting is all about.

You have no doubt read that kids these days spend too much time on screens, and too little time outdoors. Articles and books arguing the evils of screen time quote studies linking screen time to obesity and diabetes as well as depression and lack of vitamin D (which can lead to cancer). Then there are the equally compelling articles and blogs that posit that playing computer games is actually really good for our children. They learn hand-eye coordination, three-dimensional design, problem solving, and even social skills. They are exposed to math concepts, story arcs, and consequences.  Which perspective is to be believed? I think it's both. Kids benefit greatly from screen time, and they need to also spend lots of quality time in nature.  I suspect that the problems of screen time arise not from the computer or TV itself, but from circumstances outside the screen bubble, like poor nutrition and lack of attention from caregivers. I also sens...

"Scientific studies conducted by Dr. Leonard Sagan, a medical epidemiologist, ... show that social class, education, life skills, and cohesiveness of family and community are key factors in determining life expectancy. Of all these factors, however, education has shown to be the most important. ... Hope, self-esteem, and education are the most important factors in creating daily health , no matter what our background or the state of our health in the past." Christiane Northrup, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom  p 27 (emphasis in original) Since homeschoolers tend to get a really good education, grow up feeling confident in their skin, and are often a part of a dynamic, diverse, and tight community, by homeschooling, you are benefiting your children's health and life expectancy. On self-esteem: "In addition, several studies have been done to measure homeschoolers’ 'self-concept,' which is the key objective indicator for establishing a child’s se...

My kids have never gone to regular school. My daughter spent three miserable days in a preschool till I said "Enough" and never went back. That's it. She's nine now, and her brother is five. Mostly we unschool. But I still find myself needing to shift my thinking away from the schooling mentality. I am getting my teaching license, but through an alternative program so I can teach for a homeschool enrichment program that my kids attend weekly and is offered through the public schools. As most homeschooling moms, I have looked at the local schools' websites to see where my kids might just fit in. I feel that professionally and as a member of society I always have one foot in the schooling door. However, any time I think about teaching full-time in a regular school, or enrolling my kids in school, I quickly come to the same conclusion: Nope. I am fully committed to homeschooling. I love the freedom my kids have to become themselves. I love that more than half of th...

We started the day in good spirits. While I took care of some housekeeping the kids began some simple workbook exercises. My son completed his kindergarten pages quickly, easily, and with good cheer. My daughter, who had nine math problems to complete, ended up curled in a tight ball, grunting and screaming at me. Half way through I asked her to go do some jump rope and come back when she was ready to work with me. Then I needed a break. Then I pulled the classic if-you-don't-work-with-me-you-have-to-go-to-school line. I've said it before. But this time, I meant it. I am totally fed up with her melt downs and I am ready to have someone else deal with her. In school she would struggle with anxiety, but she would never behave this way with a teacher. I said - and she heard me - that this was her last chance. I am tired of fighting her about math, writing, goal-setting, and every other little bit. While most of our homeschooling is life learning, reading books, and playing...

People who don't homeschool often don't realize there is often very little "home" in homeschooling. We spend a lot of time going and doing. This week we've explored a wetland, gone to see a play, spent hours at gymnastics, gone to a history museum, gone to the library twice, and run to a kid's consignment store to clear out toys. Then when we are home, much of the time is spent on the computer, viewing and interacting with the world. With all that going and doing, plus the high energy of sun and heat, and the lack of our during-the-school-year weekly enrichment program, my kids are actually suffering. They are having trouble sleeping and getting sick. I gave them supplements, rubbed my anxious gymnast's shoulders nightly, instituted nightly epsom salt baths (it does help), and talked about feelings. But it hit me today: the problem is all the going. We've forgotten to ground in home. Grounding in home makes us feel safe, and it's one of the gifts...

You know what really irks me? Healers like my acupuncturist and chiropractor telling me that I just need to put my kids in school already. I get that parents who send their kids to school just don't understand what my life is like. I get they think it's a little crazy. But they do not need to tell me every single time I go get a treatment that I need to change this part of my life. It's not helpful. I'm working on the courage to say to them next time it comes up: "I'm not going to send my kids to school, so it's not really helpful to keep telling me to do so." That is all.

We call it "homeschool" but this word hardly does it justice. The thing is, someone who still lives within the school paradigm can't even conceive of what life is like for a homeschooling family. Because no longer is the point education. The point is living. The point is exploring what it means to be human. What do we love? What makes us tick? How can we get along with others while pursuing what we love? How can we honor what other people love? These questions become the central axis of life as homeschoolers. And suddenly it has nothing to do with "school" and sometimes very little to do with home. When I look at school websites, thinking there might be some educational community that we would enjoy being a part of, what I see is the limitations that define these institutions. Dress codes to avoid bad things (gangs, shootings). Locks and security guards to do the same. Curriculum wrapped around external measurements called testing and mandates and standards....

We participated in the Denver Botanic Gardens homeschool day last week, themed "nature and art." The stations were fun, including playing with clay after comparing clay soil to sand, dying yarn and squishing plant matter to "paint" paper, looking for patterns in plants and fruits, building Andy Goldsworthy inspired sculptures, and planting seeds. But I think some of the biggest learning happened just by observing. There were so many bees, and the kids (ages 2-8) were fascinated with the different kinds we saw (we learned later that there are 946 documented bee species in Colorado). We noticed what flowers they were drawn to, and which ones didn't have any bees on them. We watched water skippers, saw huge cabbages that had been chomped by something, smelled roses, and wandered through the tropical green house. One of the volunteers commented on how he wished he'd had activities like this when he was a kid, and implied that he wished more kids could do stuf...

My daughter's riding lesson wasn't until 2, and it was a gorgeous spring day. 62 and sunny. We decided to pack a picnic and go to the lake just north of where our riding instructor lives. This took some doing, as I am not eating any sugar, starch (like white rice), gluten, or dairy. I made brown rice balls rolled in sesame and a little salt, and a kale salad with apples, raisins, and grated carrots. I threw in the gluten free banana pancakes left over from breakfast (they have potato starch and white rice flour in them so I didn't eat any) and some fruit. We were ready to go. When we arrived at the lake, it was WINDY. The kind that takes your breath away. We hadn't dressed for the wind, which can make a warm day really chilly in dry Colorado. So we hiked down the hill, over horse prints pressed into the dry mud, and discovered a little hollow with a pond just off the main beach area. To the kids it was a secret haven to play in, but the first things I noticed after ...

You know how you thought that you would raise your kids, but in many ways they are raising you? Yes, you are the parent - but they are the teachers, pushing you to be more than you thought you could ever be. Becoming a mother was like a shamanic death, releasing the old self and struggling to figure out what being a mother actually means. Homeschooling is like that, too. Here I thought I'd get to use my stellar teaching skills to be at the helm of my children's education. That we would fall into this comfy rhythm of my teaching and their loving to learn. Crafts, science experiments, writing projects, math problems - all would flow joyfully along here at the old kitchen table. These days, my kitchen table isn't even the same as it was. Literally - we bought a new one to fit better into our house. I keep rearranging rooms, trying to make a family of four who spends a lot of time at home, and all our stuff, fit into our smallish house. The dining nook we bought almost fi...

I've figured out the goal of life. And therefore, the goal of education. Bold words, and I offer them as something to mull over and agree with as you will, or shrug off as you choose. The goal of life is to live a life that instills a sense of satisfaction in oneself. This means one has to know what it feels like to be satisfied and fulfilled. And that one has to have a set of tools that can get him or her to that fulfillment, whatever it may be. That's why play is so important, especially for young people. It's why establishing an early sense of morality without guilt is important, for it forms the foundation for being satisfied and fulfilled. The Thomas Jefferson Education folks call this early phase the Core Phase. Only then can a child have a sense of justice and right selfhood. Only by wasting time, for instance, can she learn what about that feels nourishing, and what feels empty. Only by trying on other selves and playing in all sorts of environments and learn...

Eleven activities for outdoor education for elementary grade students: http://www.plt.org/environmental-education-for-early-childhood . Scroll down to "Student Activities." A homeschool family could easily incorporate one a month to expand your outdoor /environmental education activities. Looking for PK or secondary? Try these links here: http://csfs.colostate.edu/pages/project-learning-tree.html#activity-guides The easiest way to learn about the natural world is just to get out in it. Find a local trail, park, beach, or other habitat to explore, question, and fall in love with.

One of our more central homeschooling activities is reading aloud. Over the past year or so, my daughter and I have enjoyed my reading to her Grace Lin's novels , the Ramona Quimby books , and (currently) the Little House books .  While reading Lin's books, we ate Taiwanese food and discussed the differences and similarities between Taiwan and China, and (since my daughter is 7), Japan and China and other Asian countries. We wrote to Grace Lin and entered a giveaway of hers, and received a hand-written post card and bookmark from her. It sits proudly on the refrigerator. The Ramona books inspired us to make slow cooker beef stew of all random things. We examined how the books had been written over a period of thirty-five years, and discussed how certain things hadn't changed between my mother's childhood, mine, and my daughter's. Other things have changed, like phones. In Ramona, they have one phone in the hallway, attached to the wall. No cell phones, no computers....

I'm reading articles in the Sept/Oct 2012 issue of Home Education Magazine about how other homeschooling and attachment-style parents are working towards not controlling their children. They are seeing how their fears have gotten in the way of letting their children grow into people who realize their own self control, aware of their own limits and their choices for honoring those limits. I feel myself resist a little against their words. This morning we had yet another explosion from my 7-year-old. It set off the whole house. I'm tired of her being the center of everything, the "spoiled brat princess." My response has been to ignore, stepping in only if she can't bring herself down. Usually she can't. So I offer empathy, which usually sends her distress higher. She's a bit of a drama queen. She started crying yesterday, for instance, because her imaginary sister isn't even real, so she is so very sorry and sad that she is all alone in the world. I wan...